| So, right now in life I am excited about a few things:
-the weather, its in the upper 70's and sunshiney all the day long here in again in Southern California
-the finding(and soon to be purchasing) of THE perfect red lipstick. All the 1930's blood glamour I can stand! Its from Vincent Longo, shade "Americana". Perfect name. Like that. Found it in a Sephora store in San Luis Obispo.
-spent a really nice 2.5 weeks with Philipp's mother and her husband, who flew in from Switzerland to visit us in California. Went to the coast, desert, mountains. Had about every example of weather, apart from natural disasters.
-going to LA tommorow to go shopping! H&M making its slow creep to the US is the best thing since red lipstick.
-new Neil Young archives installment coming out soon...all acoustic. Whoah, mama.
-Hair's getting real long and nice auburn colour now..
-Philipp and I laugh a lot and get to see cool places, avoid the real world, collect national park stickers to plaster all over our piece of shit Nissan
Yep. That'll do it for now.
KJK | comments: Leave a comment   |
| 1) I dream every night. In colour, sometimes in Russian. But not as much in Russian anymore. And I always remember them vividly.
2) At least once every month I wake up from a dream crying and laughing (not at the same time).
3) I didn't smoke weed until I was 20.
4) I lost my faith a couple of years back. Come on, dont pity me. Its really a healthy thing.
5) I think casual sex is a major turn off.
6) I have a shameless habit of women's magazines...I see hair, makeup--I am drawn to it like crazy.
7) I am a bit of a fear based hypochondriac. I have to struggle to not think things are wrong with me when I feel 'off'.
8) I create scenarios in my head when walking in the dark or just to the bathroom. Its impossible for me to watch scary movies or CSI or anything to do with someone being gagged and tortured!
9) I dont like animals. Especially cats.
10) Getting something in the mail or some small trinket is life's pleasure to me. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Two things that are really irritating are when people say 'I am a citizen of the world, not ________ (insert country that they hold passport in, and are indeed a citizen of--mother of god!)...and when people come back from like a week in Mexico or some shit like that and can only talk about how bad America sucks. Get a life, dudes.
Admittedly when I was around the age of 17, I went thru this after spending time in Ukraine...maybe thats only natural when your eyes are opened so much, but I was a kid fresh out of small town ethics/atmosphere, not a poli-sci major at a state university. I guess I am not being that fair, because some people are not exposed to the outside world at such an early age, but its STILL annoying.
Its just lame to assume the thinking that just because one group of people are without, that they are somehow less selfish,grateful,considerate,etc. than any other group of people put in the same productive environment such as the US, UK or any other Western power. Human nature is going to get what it can then demand more. Always.
People are people everywhere you go. Notice how staying in one place long enough will make your surroundings seem all the same. Just because you cannot understand what the people around you are saying or doing, doesnt make them more noble or more humble.
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I took this long tram ride into town today, just to be out in the weather, which is fantastic at the moment; my favourite kind--warm but with a bit of a breeze, Autumn waiting in the wings. I cannot tell you how this feeling always comes on me as I am sitting there with my headphones watching the landscape go by. The music always puts me in a sort of trance where I start seeing all the components as a whole, then they all bleed together; the cars, the bikes, the buildings, the laughter--until they are nothing and then split again...person by person, thing by thing. Everyone is out doing his or her thing with such importance. I look and see all these progressing things which will go thru all the life phases until it reclaims them all, one by one.
The 'IT' of life. I guess thats what I will call it, since death seems to biological and no one can be certain to pin it, the 'afterlife'.
It happened the other day too while I was at the zoo cafeteria. A long table to my left was filled with a group of 5 or so people, all varying in ages. The lady at the end was in comfortable sight and I began noticing her. She was old, very old and sat there like a newborn in her seat--not a part of conversation, not a part of eating, just sitting there. Detached from everything. Reminded me of the Elbow song, 'Newborn'. You'll spend the end days, smiling gently like a newborn..something to that effect. And it is so, really. You leave much like the way you came, if allowed to progress that far in the cycle.
I guess I have been thinking a lot about these things lately. I seem to recap that a lot and have started to conclude that its not that I think about these things 'lately' but really, all the time. So much, in fact, that I should probably consider stopping.
I used to like to sit around with interesting people and philosophize, but now it generally makes me sad and downtrodden because opinions are always the only outcome. And those are like assholes. Everyone's got 'em.
I need to write a story soon. Or something. Music ain't happening---I listened to my disc from Nashville today and its really bad. No, really really bad. I still like Phoenix and I like Write it on a wall, when I play it by myself, for myself.
I bought three journals with the hopes of filling them, but perhaps I have grown tired of expecting to fill them with nothing but my commonplace situations and attempts to sort things out. Most of my books have been filled with meaningless problems, stuff so insignificant to me now...
Which brings me to something else, only because I mentioned the music. I can play for anyone, no problem. On the street, in a cafe, bar, with strangers at a party. But I have the hardest time playing for people I know and value the opinions of. Maybe thats because I am searching for validation in their eyes or something like that. Mark Twain said he could live months off a good compliment. Maybe we're all that way in some way or another.
Well. Enough for tonight, anyhow.
"Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself?
When you're old enough to repay but young enough to sell..."
~Neil Young | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | patty griffin | | Current Location: | home | | Security: | | | Subject: | Florida | | Time: | 11:46 am | | Current Mood: |  calm |
|
| There's this lyric from 'Florida' by Patty Griffin. Makes me want to be with my sister, even though that feeling would probably wane about two days in...
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A couple of young girls went
Sailing down A1A
Into the arms of Florida
Sailing down a highway
Singing their heads off
Protected by the holy ghosts
Flying in the ocean
Driving with their eyes close
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When Kris was here we went on talking about how the diner experience in America is awesome. Sitting in some shitty local cafe like The Shelby Cafe (preferably not in Shelby) with friends and all the old folks. Its just kind of cool, thinking about Americana.
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I feel like I have not seen my family in ages, almost 4 months now. Not that its anything new, but I guess the more I travel the more every place becomes like the last. It all comes around full circle.
I can say this, though, that I am so ready to begin the new year, to be in California and on the move again.
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The weather feels like Fall and its a weird sort of nostalgia because two weeks ago it was so blazing hot that you couldnt fall asleep at night. Now to have this Autumn feel outside is just weird. Autumn is my favourite but when it comes early, it makes me feel weird inside.
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I guess this is all I have to say at the moment.
Fare thee well. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am terrible at goodbyes. I MUCH prefer being the one stepping on or off a train than the one who releases the other person to do so. Bummer. Oh well. Kris just about missed his train to the airport, which would have been a lot of fun, but he caught a different one instead. Hopefully he is somewhere up in the air right about now, eating astronaut food and reading a Star Wars paperback.
We had a lot of fun together this week. I am glad he got to come. A little sliver of something from back home. Not that Shel-Hell is the place to be, but it was a nice little sliver of nostalgia at a much needed time.
We swam in the Rhein this week, which was pretty damn fun. The current is pretty strong and takes you along with it, allowing you to see every pretty building as you pass. The water's clean and everyone does it, so its not anything like the rivers in cities I am used to. That primarily being The Dnipre which glows in the dark and The Broad River of my hometown which hosts four generations of Mexican families in the summer time.
I've been playing a lot more on the guitar this week, playing and singing. I love nothing more than music. Getting into the trance that music pulls you into, closing your eyes to welcome sound, its just one of the highest gifts. I miss playing a lot, I didnt realize it but I do. Maybe something new will come to me someday. I'll hunt it out.
On other fronts, I think I may be able to talk Jessica into California. Need to call her on that one. See, her race season ends in Chicago at the end of August and she has to figure out a place on the map to head to then. She is thru with Aiken and had been thinking Florida because there are huge tracks down there, but for years she has been saying California, California--and I think its high time she does it! Would be awesome to do a big drive out with her again...but, I dont know. We will have to see. She is also talking about some work in Asheville, NC but that would just suck, in my not so humble opinion.
Asheville is annoying. Its nothing but a bunch of crystal rubbing wannabes and stupid college kids who go get beer in plastic cups at The Orange Peel while going to check out the latest 'hip' band. Haha, no I really dont hate it this much--but I just think California is the place to be.
My brain is blank now...gonna go find something to fill it.
Kristin Jo | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I took Emilie(the girl I nanny for) to the puppet museum here in town. I initially thought it was gonna suck cause I am not that into exhibitions unless they are of the science or natural history variety and the first floor was nothing but stuffed teddy bears (albeit very rare and old ones...)
But the second floor was absolutely amazing. All these tiny re-creations of villages and towns and the old frontier. These things were so intricate, there were barbers and opticians and bakeries and saloons...all with little figurines complete with baguettes and tiny scissors, pastries, eyeglasses, the works. It was amazing. I had this strange feeling though as I was looking thru the glass at all these teeny civilizations--I felt this detachment, the bird's eye view, the outside looking in that I usually feel out in the world around me. It was kind of odd and surreal and gave me the feeling that I get so often these days, that I am lost somewhere in the innerworkings of it all.
Anyhow. That was it. Then we got in the stroller and went home. Haha
KJK | | comments: Leave a comment |
| If you waste your time talking to the people who dont listen to the things you're saying, who do you think's gonna hear?
~Kris Kristofferson | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| I was reading back thru 2004 on this stupid LJ thing and its so fucking stupid. God. Do you ever get to a place in life where next year I wont think I am a complete asshole for being the me that I am right now and accept as okay? Ugh. I think Henry Rollins says something like that, its pretty funny. About how when you're 18, you think you're the shit--then again at every year while looking down on yourself from years past. Haha.
Well, I did find this thought and its still kind of interesting. People are retarded.
"No matter how entwined you could become, you will face lifes oppositions alone. Birth,death,all the time in between. So in a sense, any time with another is borrowed-is just passing. Like a glance with a stranger out in the streets, if matched with eternal perspective. But who knows about eternity. Religions, they claim to know it. But nobody does. And no one would trade this life to know it. At least I wouldnt."
Yeah.
Spewing forth shit.
Hah, that would be a cool band name. Haha that was Spewing Forth Shit with their new single, "Go To Hell". | | comments: Leave a comment |
| 'I am a lonely visitor
Came too late to cause a stir
though I campaigned all my life
towards that goal.'
~'Campaigner' by. Neil Young
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Neil Young's music has come to mean so much more to me in recent months. His depth of sadness and wording is beautiful. Of course my favourite songs are the more melancholic, Ambulance Blues has meant a lot to me the most in recent weeks.
A dear friend of mine whom I have the utmost respect and love for made me think about something that I have always believed in concept and am learning in practice.
Wikipedia says: 'The term crucible is often used for unrelated activities that are very difficult, but act as a refining or hardening process.'
I believe what happens to you can define or destroy you. I am not an optimistic person, so this has been a very challenging concept to accept and apply in my personal life. I have a tendency to allow hardships to paralyze me and don't learn or willing adapt very quickly either.
I see the world as a sort of huge toy box full of dice and your number is bound to be selected for terrible things sooner or later. The world we live in is tainted. I dont believe that 'bad' and 'good' things are always relative. There are definate bads and there are definate goods and there are others someplace in between.
Extremely evil people prosper every day, extrememly good people suffer daily as well. This one fact is probably the most confounding thing I concentrate on during crisis.
It would be so nice to believe the Christian theory that we live in a 'fallen' world and because of this there is pain. It would be excellent to believe in a God which is 'good' and 'just' and will win out in the end.
What amazes me in modern Christianity (and I would suppose in any mono-theistic religion) is how circular thinking dominates. Agreed, circular reasoning abounds outside of religion as well, theories are a prime example. But it seems so frustrating to me that really, whatever happens to a praying person must be accepted as the 'divine will' of their god. Example: Sammy wants to be with Sue. Sammy prays to be with Sue. Sue rejects Sammy's offer. Whether Sue accepts or rejects is relative in the petitioner's belief that whatever actually happens IS 'god's will'.
Thats why the phrase 'Everything happens for a reason' irritates me so badly. I wouldnt go so far as to say 'Nothing happens for a reason', because I do believe there is a realm outside of man's will when shit just goes down that alters you forever, period. I guess I would call that overlap between 'random' and 'will' as 'fate'.
I spent a great deal of 2005 thinking I was really pretty smart and intelligent and talented. I really dont think that anymore. Not because I am on a pity trip, but because all of these things change at any given point in your life. Or how you percieve yourself does, at least.
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I dont know if other people my age spend a great deal of their time thinking about such things as I do, but I can never seem to find a way to shut the thoughts down for too long. I am so easily affected by the stimuli around me that even if I am relatively happy in my personal life and relationships, observation always gets me down.
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I'd like to think that if I were ever in a place or position where I was unwanted that I would walk away. In some cases I have done so, in others I have become pitiful.
Something interesting I'd like to happen to me would for me to see myself as others do, whether positively or negatively. I think it would be transforming in some ways.
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Of love, which is always unique for the people who share it, I think if it is true, its not as fragile as people claim it to be. I think you can do a hell of a lot to love but it remains. Its not indestructable, but it is resilient.
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There's a thunderstorm rolling in. I'm glad of it. I want the weather to be just like this. Me and Neil Young and my thoughts and sadness. Kind of a retreat, wouldn't you say?
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Well, I guess I've reached my quota.
This too shall pass.
Kristin Jo | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
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